Note 1 : I made a promise to self not to speak of anyone explicitly on this blog, but here I am breaking my rule 1. Now that I have warned you, proceed at your risk..
Despite the continuous ongoing drama in the valley, the journey never stopped surprising me.This time, a company in chaos.
With her by my side, what was turning into sleepy groovy bass turned into an unpredictable hi pitched synthesizer beats.
We settled down at Wani restaurant after early sunrise where the lorry drivers were smoking.
She pulled out a cigarette cursing the smokers in mute and took one long shot saying “smoking takes away lives faster, do not smoke.. EVER” as if its her last breath and passed it on tossing away the ashes.
Taking the cig into hands, what she said and what she did was a head-scratcher..
I looked at her shifting my eyes from the cigarette onto her. She was already wearing an evil smile.
Somehow I secretly began hating the recent developments : having a company being #1.
I only chose to travel alone so that I have all these memories associated with me, just me.
But silently she nudged her way into my moments, disqualifying this for a solo trip.
This doctor had the unswerving wisdom that can destroy any romanticism left in cupid, responding loudly to emotions with reasoning, science and fluent sarcasm.
At breakfast, we fed ourselves with left over insults from last night.
When we returned back to the hotel, Sheikh Bhai asked her about her stay with his infectious smile, “as long as it pleases”, she replied looking at the mountains.
“There goes the commitment phobic“, I said.
She turned back and tried to look serious.
Instead, she broke out smiling turn back towards me to shut up.
Dimple left her cheeks long after smile has left.
This wasn’t the first time I have seen “her smile”. It was during one of my poor joke the other day that earned her first smile.
One thing led to another and we began discussing what led us to the Kargil despite the insurgency and its sad state.
When I summarized my life story and what has built me to the moment, she was sitting opposite to me with a terrific stillness.
Unable to comprehend, I took my chai glass for warmth. Then began music in background.. “emotional atyaachar” from DevD.
And she grinned like a donkey.
I was angry the moment and smiling the next. She had a infectious thin air laugh too cute to watch.
“template life wouldn’t suit you”, she said.
In her words, “we wear a practical mask. we make excuses with this practical mask; the worst being “Afterall, I am a human being” thing. Being a human being doesn’t entitle one to play with others emotions or time. You need not live in everyone’s perspectives. There’s no wrong in being wrong. You are not 50, but precisely half of it.
Live your age….. love is noble,courageous only in fairy tales while in real life, its a cover for one’s selfishness…… (a good 5 min monologue)… +rumi metaphor ”
“Live your age” is what stayed with me.
From then, the “emosional atyachaar” has become my ringtone.
The chotti Eid in Kangan with sheik bhai’s family, the wazwaan cooked together, the improvised movie conversations, serious puns exchanged, sharing playlists, listening to just released ADHM, Mirzya.., playng with sheikh bhai’s kids, she fighting to read my unpublished wordpress drafts in onenote., … and many little little moments which felt like an era lived too soon.
It wasn’t a dream, for the place is already a dream.
While I was contemplating on taking up the job back in hyderabad.. she spoke while watching night tv..
“You earned it… there’s no glory in throwing away what you achieved. That’s not disgracing yourself, but your effort. You’ve did it once years ago, don’t do it again..”
With a sponsored ticket, flew back the very next day with lot of hesitation to leave the place with a fear that we may no see each other.
Zendagi Migzara… I’ve told myselves.. life must go on.
Farewell is an event when a closed one becomes stranger again,
this farewell has made a stranger into closed one.